Joy vs. Jealousy

Joy and jealousy cannot co-exist. When I hear “I’m happy for you, but I’m so jealous” I wonder which of these two emotions is going to dominate and ultimately crush the other. Too often, it seems, jealousy wins.

I’ve never had difficulty accepting a compliment—except when it’s accompanied by jealousy. If I earn an A on a test or win a contest or am assigned a lucrative project and people start acting jealously, I try figuring out what they’re thinking. Sure, sometimes the statement “I’m so jealous” is nothing more than a harmless figure of speech. Other times, though, it seems to be a thinly disguised case of contempt. What seems to run through many minds is, You don’t deserve that. How dare you achieve a higher status than I think you’re worthy of? You make me feel uncomfortable, and I no longer like you but am too ashamed to admit that aloud or even to myself.

Some people take jealousy as a compliment. I’ve seen people go out of their way to instill jealousy in others. There are those who go out and buy things they don’t really need or want or can’t even afford simply to impress—the same people who feel compelled to talk about how much money they make or how much they’ve invested or how much of a tax return they’re expecting (as long as the people they’re telling have less than they do). These people often confuse jealousy with admiration. There’s no relationship between the two emotions. As with joy, admiration cannot co-exist with jealousy.

Jealousy is that feeling of discontent that is triggered by someone else’s success or gain. If left unchecked, that discontent can fester into anger. Even though an individual’s good fortune has no effect on another’s status, those with a jealous spirit will feel diminished. This is no one’s fault but the one suffering the jealousy. Jealousy comes from within.

The good news is that joy also comes from within. Abraham Lincoln once said, “We are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.” It’s really as simple as that. If our worth is measured by comparing ourselves to others, our self-esteem will fluctuate based on where we are and who we are with. Why would anyone want outside forces determining who they are or how they feel about themselves?

If jealousy has progressed into anger, and we’re angry toward someone who has achieved what we ourselves desire, it becomes difficult for us to achieve the same things. Why is this? Because it is human nature to do those things, either consciously or subconsciously, that will make us feel good about ourselves. If we associate anger with the achievement of some goal—even the achievement of that goal by someone else—we self-sabotage, again—either consciously or subconsciously, all efforts to reach that same goal. Anger or jealousy turns achievement into an uphill battle, and there’s no logical reason to choose this route.

We should choose to be as joyful as we can possibly be. If we are happy for someone else’s good fortune, there is no reason to believe that we are draining resources from ourselves. We can have joy for someone else and not reduce any amount of hope that we have for ourselves.

It may sound trite, but we should be thankful for what we have even if it seems as though we have little. When we’re grateful for what we have, we are surrounded with positive, happy energy even if we struggle to achieve our goals. So, let’s not be jealous. Let’s celebrate with joy!

"Joy vs. Jealousy" was previously published in Alumni Reflections, Charter Oak State College's literary journal. Copyright 2008-2010, Michèle P. Rousseau